|DEAL WITH IT|
Other than that, meh. I tried to get into it, but eventually I turned back to my real love-- the internets. That's where I found this: CAT CURLING. I know, right? I was mesmerized.
This! This is more like it! And it got me thinking- what other events could they add to liven things up, four years from now? I had a few thoughts:
Full-Figure Skating- There are a lot of portly folks who are surprisingly light on their feet and great dancers. I'm willing to bet more than a few are kick-ass ice skaters. If you think about it, they are insulated against the cold and probably bounce when they eat ice on a triple Salchow. Win/Win.
|Farley takes GOLD|
Speedskating- In my version, everyone competing takes a couple of hits of speed ten minutes before the race. Hilarity ensues. Possible heart attacks are just a bonus. How has Red Bull not picked up on this? I bet they have.
Luge Ferrigno- Is just what it sounds like: All luge participants dress up like the Incredible Hulk. Duh.
Bobsled Costas- Teams of two make timed runs down an ice track. One man steers while the other tries to successfully administer ointment into Bob Costas' eyes.
|Take the red eye home, Bob. You're done.|
In the meantime, this is a real billboard up now in Chicago concerning the semifinal hockey game between Canada and USA. And it is glorious. Story behind it, here. GO, USA, for the love of all things, make this a reality.
My friend Kip is a bigwig at NBC/Universal. That's right, I know people- important people. I'm going to try to schedule a meeting and maybe make this happen. Just as soon as Kip and the Olympic committee and Johnny Weir return my calls. I'm going to save the Winter Olympics.