You can't look away

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Wow, You're Still Here?

So, it's 2013. A new year. A time to reflect and get all introspective-like. Maybe reevaluate some life choices. Ask the big questions. Am I happy? Am I living up to my potential? Have I been the best mom to m...

HOLY SHITSNACKS, Y'ALL-- do you know what this week is?! It's the anniversary of my blog! Yes! My bloggiversary! I know you love it when I make up words. I started one year ago on this date. Remember my first post? You should probably go back and read that literary masterpiece to refresh your memory. Then go ahead and read the rest of them, too, while you're at it. Good stuff. (Okay, mediocre stuff with hints of brilliance.) I'll wait here.

Anyhoo, Happy New Year! No resolutions for me, thanks. I don't really make them anymore because they were always about losing weight, having one glass of red wine and being a "kinder, gentler soul", blah, blah...  Yeah, we see how well that worked out. Birds gotta swim, fish gotta fly, or something like that.
Not to worry.
I'll never change and why would I? I'm awesome. But I guess I have learned a thing or two in the past 365 days. I would hope so. Maybe a few nuggets of worldly wisdom I can pass on to you poor saps. Some of these nuggets won't apply to you. Some will, but you'll pretend they don't. Some are just my random observations from these past blogs. Take them or leave them; tattoo them on your ass or get them needlepointed on a pillow for your family room. You're welcome.

Here's a smattering of what I've learned this year:

I like the word "smattering."

I talk about my boobs a lot.

Being a mother is, um... challenging.


I'm not what you would call "a trooper" about most things. I'm a bit of a cynic.

Glitter: Herpes of the crafting world.

I will never ever make any of the shit I pinned on Pinterest.

Bitches love tablecloths.

I still haven't been back to Chuck. E Cheese. Therefore, I win.

Don't ever put me on speaker phone with your family in the car. Can't stress this enough.

I don't like falcons landing on me.

Or people sniffing my ass.

Or bugs.


I do love maple syrup. And Joe Manganiello. And I would especially love Joe Manganiello covered in maple syrup--  AMIRIGHT, LAYDAZZ?? sorry.

The catchphrase "Sexual Alpo" is sweeping the nation! Get on board!

My daughter has perfected the Prosti-tot homeless midget look.

Moving Carlos the Elf around each and every night was a pain in my ass.



Blogging is a lot harder than it looks if you're doing it right.

Sometimes the only taste of success someone feels is when they take a bite out of you. Bless their hearts.


Thanks for laughing with me (and at me) this year. I'll keep writing if you'll keep reading. Deal?




15 comments:

  1. The Tippi Hedren doll and the exploding ovaries picture made me laugh. Congratulations on a year of blogging!

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    1. Thanks, Daisy! I love that exploding ovaries gif, too. You have SEVERAL blogs and always manage to write something interesting, and often! -- that's talent. :)

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  2. Keep on keeping on, sista! No resolutions for me either, I fail enough at regular life! Happy New Year to you and yours. :)

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    1. You too, LT! I'm glad you are blogging again!

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  3. I love the Tippi Hedren doll! You keep on cracking me up, ya hear!

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    1. I love to make you laugh, Ant. I promise I will continue. xo

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  4. Love your blog Rach! Keep it going. I'll keep reading and laughing. Congrats on your bloggiversary. It's hard to keep a good blog going and you're doing it. Much love and Happy New Year!

    emmi :)

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    1. Thanks, Ems. It is hard but I need to stop thinking so much and just write! Much love to you and Jim and Lorna, too! xo

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  5. You are hilarious, as usual, my dear. Happy Bloggerversary! RachRiot is a blogspiration to me and one of the reasons I began to write one myself. LOVE the pictures, as usual! And you soo right, guurl, haters gonna hate, so let 'em drink their haterade. I'm definitely gonna keep reading! xoxo

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    1. Thank you Aim!! You have been such a cheerleader for me and I really appreciate it. Them haters can't stand how awesome we are, right? You keep writing, too! Love you! xo

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  6. Happy Bloggiversary! I've learned so much from you this past year. Wait, this isn't the place were I got the two-ingredient pumpkin cake, is it? Anyway, I love your blog. You light up my life. Dammit, there go waterworks again. XOXO!

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    1. Gail, if the cake has booze in it you may have found it here. :) Love you! Thanks for reading (and laughing). xo

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  7. Yes, keep writing, you sassy biatch! We love your shit.

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    1. C Bear, you are the reason this blog exists. I will never stop thanking you for your encouragement and friendship. I love you. xo

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  8. Still fuzzy about all this. Might be the vodka. I do love to read your shit and can't help thinking about the acorn and the tree! Xoxo...you know who.

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